So Easily
by flower gettin' lady
Summary: "It was his epilogue... his past was dark and stained, but across it a golden light was spilt. Blond, beautiful, pink and yellow, smiling and laughing and living. It seemed so impossibly far away." Oneshot. The Doctor remembers Rose.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or "So Easily" by Kathryn Calder.**

**A/N: School started a few days ago, which means I'm anxious, edgy, exhausted, and full of really confusing feelings that can only be channeled into fanfiction. So… yay for you guys, I guess :) **

**I used the lyrics from "So Easily" because I feel that it has a sense of finality, and of aftermath. I hope it reflects that, at least.**

**Tell me what you think in a review?**

_Windows of black kick in_

_I've got my light within on_

_To keep out those haunters_

_Those midnight-wandering souls_

_I can remember your face_

_When you said to me_

_How can you…_

_How can you so easily fold?_

_How can you so easily fold?_

He'd left her there, in the parallel world. He left her with a clone of him, and human Timelord that could live his entire life with her and grow old with her. Still, he hadn't given up completely, oh no. He liked to believe that he'd see Rose Tyler again, so he bided his time and kept busy. Unfortunately, the Master had other plans.

It was just too easy. In his hearts the Doctor knew that unless the dimensions began to collapse he would probably never see Rose, and even if he did, she had his clone. All he could do was break her heart, while his clone could offer her a life.

Maybe that was why he allowed himself to be so easily injured.

He did see her, one last time. She didn't know who he was; it was dark, and she'd never met him before. Still, her face lit up with that smile, the one she gave away as freely as she did affection and comfort. Oh, Rose. It hurt so much, seeing her but not being able to touch her or even go near her. It would always be like that… a cold emptiness nestled between his hearts where she should have been. So he let himself get hurt, and he regenerated. He hadn't wanted to go, hadn't' wanted the memories of her to become fuzzy and less real.

And at the same time he did, because it would be easier.

_You swing me around_

_I can never say no to you, _

_No, no, no_

_I'm not the only one_

_I know that's just what you do_

_I can remember your face_

_When you said to me_

_How are you…_

_How are you so easily fooled?_

_How are you so easily fooled?_

He changed. He met Amelia Pond, the little girl with a fairytale name and a fearless heart. He had been right; it didn't hurt. In fact, Rose Tyler had been the farthest person from his mind. He decided to go adventuring with Amy, taking her to see the stars since she'd waited for him for fourteen years.

They went to Starship UK first. It wasn't planned. He was having a brilliant time, oh yes, getting back into the stride of snooping and helping. A ship with no engines, a mysterious figure with a porcelain mask. It was the kind of thing he lived for.

They met the queen, the one who investigated her kingdom in disguise. Everything was fine, when she mentioned that she was surprised he had gotten banned from Scotland by Queen Victoria. Oh, that hurt. Images of a familiar blonde girl flashed across his eyes, despite his attempts to ignore them. He didn't allow them to stop him. He should have known that he would never truly be able to forget his pink-and-yellow human, but he wouldn't let his grief cripple him. Amy needed her Raggedy Doctor, so that was who he'd be.

And it worked. He let himself be fooled, so very easily.

_Storm has subsided_

_I'm only half-black inside_

_I can't erase it_

_The light rays are fitting your eyes_

_I can remember the place_

_When you said to me_

_How can you…_

_How can you so easily go?_

_How can you so easily go?_

He had married River Song. He threw away any feelings he'd ever had for everyone and married River to save the world, because he knew she needed to kill him. And she hadn't killed him anyway, so it was fine. Everything was fine.

It was his epilogue, the "Where did they go?" article in the newspaper, telling the public what had become of the older rock stars of years ago. His past was dark and stained, but across it a golden light was spilt. Blond, beautiful, pink and yellow, smiling and laughing and living. It seemed so impossibly far away. He never bothered to tell anyone anymore.

But, as he made his weary way back to the TARDIS, tired from a night of dancing at Amy and Rory's wedding, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of regret.

How could he so easily let her go?

**A/N: Just… yeah. I have no idea what this is. And I'm trying to imply that he still loves Rose, not that he's giving her up. He just feels bad that he tried to push her to the back of his mind.**

**A review would mean the world to me right now. Please?**


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